i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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