he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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