I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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