Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Randomize
