do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
