What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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