so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
