Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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