Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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