If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
