What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
