Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
He better not be in your backpack
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
