I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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