Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
