I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
