i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
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