the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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