nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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