I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I have feelings that need drinking.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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