Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
