....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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