Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I touched a dick in church today
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
