you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
