I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
