You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
