Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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