come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Randomize
