His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
