Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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