what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
As shirtless as possible
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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