insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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