Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
