I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
