so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
