you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
