I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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