It's like a parade of train wrecks.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
