that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
