And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
