People with herpes should wear stickers.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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