Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Randomize
