I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
