Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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