Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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