my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
