alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
