One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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