Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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