I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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