If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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