we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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